If you are anything like I was when I was in the K-12 grade school system you would have hid your emotions from EVERYONE. I used to pride myself on the fact that I could not remember the last time that I cried. I even once tried to get a leadership position for a small group and when I was asked what my greatest weakness was I said, "Empathy". Needless to say I did not get the job. Young boys and young men are constantly told that they should be hiding their emotions in order to be a, "man". But, Why? We are born with all these emotions. It is clear that society is more accepting of a female to express herself emotionally, but when a young boy does it we immediately stomp it out. We say things like, "men don't cry" and "quit being such a baby". What this does though is prevent male students from experiencing all the complexities that make who we are as humans.
We teach our young men from an early age that they need to contain their emotions. That a "real" man needs to be stoic, strong, intelligent, handsome, tall, and athletic. They should be able to get any girl. They should not express their pain. They should not weep. They should not empathize. The funny thing about the word should is that it only brings on shame. Shame, in and of itself, pushes people to do desperate things. Shame contorts and distorts our relationships. Shame causes young men to seek attention in all the wrong places. So, What are we to do about this? How can we, as a society, promote an environment where the men (both young and old) can feel free to express their emotions. I would suggest that we choose to validate the emotions behind a students behaviors. Both males and females deserve this validation. We should listen first before responding and give space for the students to process through what they are experiencing. We NEED to educate on what emotions are and label them, so that when faced with them later the students are not caught up in a confusing and overwhelming situation.
The thing we want to avoid the most when it comes to little dudes and big emotions is shaming them for what they express. What they are feeling is real and is intense. They are looking for guidance and co-regulation. They want to feel safe. They want to feel. Feel in a way that makes them feel validated and heard. Everyone can take this step to make others feel cared for. It simply comes down to whether or not you are willing to take that change head on.
Included here is a video from Inside Out the movie explaining what emotions are. It is a great starting point for any student who may be struggling with emotional labeling and regulation.
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